Harder To Breathe
by LOLChanny819
Summary: We're all prisoners, caught in the ocean of life. And right now I was drowning. Slowly suffocating, with no one there to save me from the murky waters. Maybe if I stopped fighting, I would be able to breathe again. But I wasn't ready to give up. Not yet.


**Disclaimer: Obsessed as I am, I still don't own Sonny with a Chance. And this has nothing to do with the Maroon 5 song, Harder To Breathe, it was just a good title.**

**Hey huggables! Yeah, that's not catching on? I think people are starting to hate me for it. I don't know, my writing sucks ever since I started using it. I'm going to stop. I think it's a curse. Anyway, this was inspired by the story by klcchavez's story Ripping Wings off of Butterflies. It had absolutely nothing to do with that fantastic story, it just got me thinking about time, and boom! New idea. So I'm going to try my best for this, because I know my writing has been really different lately. I think it's the stress form school. Plus, everyone wants my help. But that is no excuse. Therefore, I'm so going to make this awesome. Well, as awesome as I'm capable of. K, let's try this.**

I took a deep breath. Goodbye. These were the words imbedded in my mind. But I didn't want to have to say them. Especially not to the blonde boy staring at me, fury in his crystal blue eyes. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen those eyes happy. Let's face it, our relationship was never going to work. We'd be happy, fight, be happy, fight, and the cycle goes on. It took me a while to realize it, but I hate him now. I still love him, because that isn't something you can stop, but I don't like him one bit. He's tortured my heart one too many times.

Looking right in his eyes, I said, "I can't do this anymore Chad."

He rolled his eyes. "Grow up, Sonny. So I'm not perfect. Who is? Certainly not you. But that doesn't mean you can run away from your problems."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "You don't get it, do you Chad? It's been two years. Yeah, at first we were happy. But now look at us. You hate me, I hate you. So why are we still together? For publicity? Everyone forgot about us a long time ago. We even forgot about ourselves. But I can't take the constant fighting anymore. You said it yourself. You're my problem. I'm sorry, but we're done."

I wasn't sure why I was apologizing. He was the one who had been staring at some blonde slut right in front of me. He told me to "mind my own damn business" when I called him out on it. The Chad I knew never swore. But I guess that's what happens in Hollywood, isn't it? Your knight in shining armor turns out to just be a jerk in a silver suit that he bought for publicity. Real classy.

He scoffed, pulling me close to him and holding me close. "Sonny. One more chance. I love you. You can't leave me. I'd be nothing without you." A cute smile follows this, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and we both know that. And just like that, he had me. Usually. But not this time.

I sighed. "Not this time, Chad. I can't. If you really love me, you'll leave me alone." Then I turned the doorknob. It felt like it was burning my palm the closer I got to leaving. But maybe I liked the pain, didn't I? And this time, it had to be done. I had to leave.

With one last glance at the blue eyed boy standing behind me, his eyes cold and empty, I whispered, "Goodbye, Cooper," and left. I didn't expect it to hurt so much. And I definitely didn't expect to want to be back in his arms. But I should've seen it coming.

Chad Dylan Cooper is a womanizer. He knows exactly what to say to make me stay. He knows what moves to use to calm me down, what words to say to make me fall into his trap, and he can definitely cover up his emotions. So why do I feel like I'm missing something?

I've known Chad for three years now, and for the first two, everything was perfect. We were fine, we were in love, and we even got over the cast rivalry. Then everything had to change. I don't remember exactly what happened, or when it happened either. I just know that he changed, and it slowly drove me crazy. I missed the Chad I could confide in. That was the Chad I was in love with, not this cold jerk who hits on other girls right in front of me. So why did I stay with him for a year more?

I still felt like something was wrong, like there was some piece of crucial information I wasn't remembering. Every once in a while, my Chad was back. And I think that's why I stayed with him. My friends said he was on drugs, his director said he was cutting, the tabloids said his parents abused him, but none of that was it, and I was sure of it. So what was it? Why did everything have to change?

The truth is, time changes everything. We're all prisoners, caught in the ocean of time, never being able to escape it. And right now, in this very moment, I felt like I was drowning. I didn't have enough air. I was suffocating. And no one would listen to my screams.

It's been a month since Chad and I broke up. He switched Mackenzie Falls's schedule so they film at night. We haven't seen each other since the break up. And I wish that I could say I cared less, that it didn't matter to me where he was. But that's not true. I wonder about him every night, and my dreams are filled with Chad, and nothing but Chad. Sometimes he's asking me to help him dig himself out of the hole he made, sometimes he's yelling at me, saying it's all my fault. But usually it's just him. It's his smile, his laugh, his eyes when they used to shine, the color his hair looks in the sun, his scent – just a little bit of spearmint, sweat, and fabric softener – and the way his voice used to sound when he told me he loved me.

It used to be filled with fervor, and I never doubted that he didn't love me. In fact, I could still remember the day he told me he loved me. It was the same day we argued about whether or not he used fabric softener.

_Chad laughed, spinning me around in his dressing room. "Ah, Sonny, I know I was only gone for two weeks, but it felt like forever! I missed you so much, Shortstack!"_

_I laughed, leaning into his chest as he put me down. "Mmm, I missed you too. You smell good. Did you know that? Like…spearmint…and fabric softener. And sweat."_

_He frowned at me. "First of all, yes, I chewed some gum. Secondly, Chad Dylan Cooper does not sweat. And thirdly,_ _never, in my entire life, have I used fabric softener!"_

_I laughed. "Really? Then why don't I believe you?" It had been so easy then. He was mine, and only mine._

_He sighed. "What is it about your big brown eyes that make me so willing to do anything? Yes, I do use fabric softener. But if that gets out, I know who to attack, right?"_

_I giggled. "And how do you plan on attacking me?"_

_He smirked, and leaned in, leaving little nips all over my neck. "Like this, Shortstack. And you'll never see it coming."_

_I laughed again, and he smiled, feeling accomplished, and looking back up at me. He didn't let me go, however. That was perfectly fine with me. "Well, if that's the attack, I just might have to tell everyone tomorrow."_

_He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really now? Because then I have liability to tell everyone about the Chad Dylan Cooper poster."_

_I frowned, allowing the fault in my plan. Chad had found out that when I was twelve I used to have a giant poster of him that I kissed every night before going to bed. He promised he wouldn't tell. I don't know why I ever agreed to let him help me repaint my room that weekend. But that's the way we began dating, so, hey, maybe it wasn't that bad. "Okay, I won't tell. But why do you use fabric softener?"_

_He grinned sheepishly. "It smells good."_

_I gave him my megawatt smile, complete with the crinkled nose, and he pulled me back in for another kiss. When we pulled apart, our foreheads connected, as were our brainwaves, he whispered, "I love you, Sonny Monroe."_

I shook my head, putting up more of the posters I was supposed to be tacking up to promote the slumber party we were having this weekend. It had been my idea, but now I wasn't so sure it was that great. I mean, what if Chad showed up?

A sigh of relief was brought on when I remembered that he would be filming. Okay, I was safe. I frowned, thinking back to my memory. It had been so easy then. We were connected on a level no one could understand, but everyone could see. And they all thought we were made for each other, even my cast and his. I sincerely doubted that now.

Shaking my head again, I tacked up another poster. Maybe I should stop trying to fight the waves. I just ended up going in the wrong direction. Maybe, if I stopped fighting, I would be able to breathe again. And everything would be okay.

I dropped the box of posters in frustration, kicking it. Ugh, why did I have to be the one to do this? No one else ever did anything around here. It was always me.

I suddenly felt someone watching me, so I spun around, running into them. "Oh!"

They chuckled, bringing my hands down. I could see their face now as I backed up. Chad. Sure, his face had stubble, his eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was a mess. But he still looked better than I'd seen him in a long time. He looked _happy_.

I immediately looked down. "Can I help you with something?" Why was he even here? I suddenly felt my chest constricting again, and realized that my heart was beating more than it had in a long time. It was _my_ Chad that looked at me now.

He sighed, looking down at the floor too, so I looked up. Chad grabbed my wrists. I think he was afraid I would punch him. I was actually considering it. Smart boy. "Actually, no. I'm here to apologize. I know, I know, I've said it before, but Sonny, this time I mean it. You won't even let me explain! Sonny, please stop walking away from me!"

I stopped in my tracks, spinning around. "What? What is it you could possibly want? Haven't you hurt me enough, Chad? Huh?"

He looked me in the eyes. "I thought you were cheating on me. You were gone so much. That's why I got…like that. I just found out yesterday that Skylar's had a girlfriend the whole time, and I had nothing to worry about. But…Sonny….I was jealous. And I know I treated you like you were nothing, but that wasn't me. That was my broken heart. I thought you wanted me to. I thought you wanted an excuse to break up with me. But it hurt. A lot. And I know I was wrong. I'm so sorry."

I took a deep breath. "Chad. I think I understand now. I told you Skylar was just a friend, too, since you traveled so much. But you can't take back everything you've said with a simple sorry."

He nodded. "Yeah. I know. But I knew that if I didn't, I'd lose my chance. And I love you too much to let that happen. I really am sorry, Sonny." He began to leave.

"Wait." He spun around, afraid of what I would say next. I was too, to be honest. I didn't know where this would take me. But I think it's worth it. "You really don't deserve it, Chad. I've been through a lot. But so have you. So I'm giving you another chance. I love you too."

He grinned and crossed over to me in two giant strides, spinning me like old times. And for once, I felt happy. And I could finally breathe again.

**So, what did you think? This was so different. But….I think I liked it. It was easy and fun to write, and I think I finally found the piece of me that loves to write again. Oh, and can you excuse the one swear word? Sorry. Bye! SMILES!**

**LOL**


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